Always The Listener, But Hardly Listened To.....And I Should Consider Teaching In Texas :P

Man, the last few days have been hard. I've just been going through some things mentally that have been driving me bonkers. O_o And through talking to one of my best friends, Lauren, I've been able to get out this state called confusion and clear some things up in my head.

Friendships are really important to me. They really are. The only problem is that in the past four years, I have moved around so much that I haven't had a lot of time to develop deep friendships that I yearn for. I have made a few along the way, but it really is deep friendships that I long to have. Being in college, I now have that privilege to develop deep deep friendships, but the only problem is... in a lot of ways, I'm not sure how to do this.

When I was younger, I had more time to develop friendships with people cause I went to the same elementary school for four years. Now, naturally these friendships weren't as deep as a friendship would be for me now, but at that age they were deep and strong. Since moving away from there, it has been hard for me to figure out what to do, how to reach out to people, and get to know someone on a more personal level. And the harder area for me lately is... guys.

I just don't understand how to communicate effectively to get to know a guy on a deeper level than just normal guy friends. Not only is it hard for me to speak their language, but past experiences hinder me as well. In the past four or five years, a lot of the guys that I have become really really close to...well, to be honest, it was like being stabbed in the back and the knife was left there each time. And every time that happened, I kept myself more and more closed off to my guy friends, so now I'm at a point that it is hard for me to really open to guys (except a few, who are more like brothers to me than just epic guy friends).

Another aspect of me that makes this issue hard is that since this is a struggle for me, it is also really hard for me to tell the guys this struggle because I don't want to burden them or put pressure on them. I feel like all of my problems, I should just keep to myself, and I shouldn't bother them. The girls, that's one thing. My girlies have always been there for me since I've been here at Bryan. But I feel like I shouldn't burden the guys with my trivial issues that I might be going through, when in reality, some of the best discussions and getting things out have been with guy friends in the past. I have always been the one that people go to for advice, for a listening ear, and even for a shoulder to cry on. But hardly do I ever find that for myself. There are a few girls I can do that to here, but so far, I haven't found the courage to find maybe one or two guy friends (other than my "big brother") that I can go to, and it because of my fear of burdening them as well as being rejected by them, that they won't really care.

I'm hoping to start working on this, but this will require reaching out to them as well, which will be really hard for me. Please be praying for me as I try to cultivate these lifelong friendships with probably some of the best men that I will ever meet in my life.

~Katherine Grace~

P.S. On a random side note, today I made a decision about my teaching career. :P I am going to move to Texas to teach. Reason? Because the average salary of a teacher in Texas is twice the amount for teachers in Tennessee. O_o So yeah, you can bet that once I'm done with college and all that student teaching, the first place I'll be looking at is Texas schools. :P For realz. :O (Now realize, that I am partly joking, but at the same time partly serious. Lolz.)