Hehe. This is funny. :D
So, since getting back from Spring Break, I've already had time to sit and think on things that really get me down....which probably isn't a good thing, but sometimes you just can't help it, right? Over the past week, I've had three friends that have been going through some stuff. Two of them, I've pretty much known what was going on, and one I have no clue really. Being who I am, I worry about those people, probably way more than I need to in most cases. :P
The one that I'm not sure what's going on, it's really hard for me. I'm one that when a friend is going through something, I want to do something to help them, but since I don't know what's going on, I'm not sure what to do. I know that the person asks for prayers, and I pray for this person a lot, but sometimes, prayer just doesn't feel like it's enough. For me, I just wish that I knew what was going on so I could be more specific in helping, trying to encourage this person. But then I stop and think about myself...how many times do I go through something and not tell a single person in most cases? Or I just ask for prayer? And how many of my friends end up feeling the same way that I feel...that they want to do more to help? And then I think some more, and I wonder if sometimes that's what it's like for God? I know that He does know what's going on in our lives, but He does want us to come to Him and tell Him our problems, and He wants to do something about it.
I know that when I'm going through things, a lot of times I'm silent but hope that someone will catch on. Or I try to tell someone but it seems like they don't really care...
Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arms
For you to see me, I need release
Do I have to scream for you to hear me? Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
'Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me. Do I need to scream?
My other two friends, I know pretty much what is going on....and I still feel helpless as to how I can help them. Yes, I pray for them, but again, I feel like I should do so much more....but I can't.
And all this, it upsets me. I know that I shouldn't let myself be upset by this. And I don't want my friends to know that I worry and get upset when I can't do anything to help them, because I want them to be able to come to me with their problems, to feel that they can talk to me about things. I don't want them to think that they are burdening me, because in all honesty, they don't. To tell the truth, I burden myself. I just can't seem to be content to just pray for my friends, and just wait for them to give me a hint about what else I can do for them....and why is this? Why do I want to be able to do so much more for my friends?
I think it's because I would want my friends to do that for me.
If I'm going through something, and I actually gather up the courage to tell someone about it, I don't want the only thing I hear from that person to be, "I'm sorry. I'll be praying for you." That's nice, yes, but sometimes, I need more than that. I need more. And it doesn't have to be much. It could be just to let me cry on their shoulder, and hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. Even that can be a wonderful thing. I want to be that person for people because I want someone to be that person for me. And why is it that I want this so badly?
It's because so many times in the past, this has been me.
I haven't consistently had a person to go to that will try to comfort me when I'm really upset and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I know that God is the only comfort that I need, but we're all human, and sometimes, I believe that human comfort is a good thing. I guess this could show how much I still have to work on in my relationship with Christ. I still have a lot to learn when it comes to leaning on Him and going to Him with my troubles, just crying to Him and letting Him hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, to not solely rely on my friends, because they won't always come through for me, and to stop holding everything in until I burst.
.............................................
To try to end this on a positive note, my Spring Break was totally epic!! :D Maybe in a few days, I might go into greater detail on this, but for now, I think I'll end this post with some song lyrics. I've had this song stuck in my head since yesterday, and it's such a beautiful song that I bought it on iTunes today so I can listen to it over and over. :) God Bless!!
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only son to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom
~Katherine Grace~
