Hey everyone!!! The summer of fun, hardship, excitement, and challenges has sadly run its race and has come to an end. I arrived back home Sunday afternoon, and have been lounging around the past few days. So, I thought I should do something productive with my time. And that being updating you all on how the rest of camp went. When I posted last, it was in the midst of Week 6.
So, Week 6 ended well. Week 7 came. It honestly was the best week ever!! At the beginning of the week, my co was unable to be there, so the SWAT, Daniel, took over as counselor for a little while. And thus, we decided to forgo the name of Warriors for that week. We became famously known as...
THE FLYING MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it truly was my best week ever. My girls and my guys were awesome! Not to say that all my other kids weren't awesome, but my flying monkeys bonded in a way none of my other groups bonded. It was beautiful. We did the mirror/makeup fast with those girls, and had lots of testimony time with them. I felt so connected with that group that I hadn't felt all summer or have felt the rest of the summer. (Side note to any of my other kids reading this, I really do love you guys as well!!!) That week had been amazing. I cried when they all left that Friday. Then, the weekend hit, and everything came crashing down, or at least it felt that way to me.
That night, I found out that a friend that I consider to be my brother wasn't coming back to Bryan this fall. And the next day, I found out that my other closest guy friend wasn't coming back. Now, if you remember in my last post, I mentioned that I was struggling with not being around my closest guy friends. Well, in the course of 24 hours, two of them were gone. Now, I know that they would still be contactable, and I could see at least one of them on occasion, but they wouldn't be physically there. I wouldn't be able to see them, hang out with them, cry to them, laugh with them, do anything, cause they wouldn't be there. The two guys I felt closest to at school were suddenly going to be absent from the picture of this semester. And I was devastated.
Yeah, needless to say, I was an emotional wreck all that weekend. My co-workers that saw me that weekend can testify to it. I cried practically all weekend. I had come off of the best week ever to all this suddenly thrown at me. I was lucky that we had the weekend off from Dayquest. It would have been horrible having to work it with how I felt. My one thing that I was really struggling with, and God just stripped it away from me in one swoop. I didn't know why He would do this. I knew it was all in His plans, but it was hard trying to fully accept it. But, even though that was probably the worst weekend and the hardest week ever for me emotionally, there was something to show for it.
God stripped from me what I was struggling with most, and that was missing my guy friends from school. He took them away, and I had to learn the hard way that sometimes in life, I have to put aside my struggles, my hurt, my pain, my needs, and focus on what's really important, and what was important was my kids and their struggles, their hurts, their pain, and their needs. During that week, Week 8, first of two little kids weeks in a row, one of my girls got saved. She was my first one all summer. I had to put myself aside for the sake of these little ones. And it was very humbling. Very hard. But totally worth it. And since then, I've found out that one of them will be coming back in the Fall after all. So God really does have a plan. He wanted to teach me something, and now He's given me something back in return for persevering through the trials.
That was the big highlight of the rest of the summer. Other than that, Week 9 showed me once again why I don't want to be an elementary school teacher. Week 10 was good as well, but it was very sad cause it was the last week of camp. That week, I finally went on the SRX (big zipline). Hated it, but did it. Debrief weekend was immensely sad. I cried a lot. I hate saying goodbye. It tears me apart every time I have to say it. And after a lot of emotions, goodbyes, and hugs, I departed from the beautiful place called Doe River Gorge that I have come to love. If it's God's will that I work there again next summer, I'll be there in a heartbeat, if they'll have me back. :)
And that's it of Doe River Gorge. I'm at home now talking to my roommate Wendy through Skype, looking forward to seeing my friend Sarah tomorrow, and looking ahead at next week, when I will be moving back into Bryan for my Fall semester of Sophomore year. Who knows what this next year holds for me and my wonderful friends. I know one thing though. It will be an adventure. And I can't wait to seek the adventure ahead of me.
By the way, this is Gorgeous Gertie. She's a goat that lives back in the gorge. Just thought I'd share her lovely picture with you. :D
So, I know it's been quite a while since I've written anything. For that, I sincerely apologize, but I do have a legit excuse. :P I've spent the past 7-8 weeks away from home. And most of those weeks, I've been here, in Elizabethton, TN, working at Doe River Gorge. This has been one of the best summers ever! But, I'll admit to you guys, this week has been the hardest week ever. >_< I will lead up to this to help this make more sense. :)
For the first two weeks of being here, we had staff training. I honestly say that it has been one of my favorite times here because I was able to spend some quality time with my co-workers without any campers. I learned so much, and did new things. I learned how to tie knots and put harnesses on myself and others. I learned how to belay, in many different ways, and I learned how much I hate the walk to paintball. I did many new things, and here's an account of one of them, the most important one, in which I learned a whole lot about myself.
The Leaf of Faith. A 32-foot telephone pole. The object of the activity is to climb to the top (using a ladder, staples, and being harnessed and connected to a rope with someone holding it), stand on top of it, and then leap off and try to catch a bar out in front of you. I looked up at the top and one word entered my mind: "No." I was determined to not EVER do this. EVER. All of the other track one counselors had done it, and during this time, one of our S.W.A.T., Anne Marie, had been talking to me, trying to convince me to do it... and somehow, I found myself in a harness attached to a rope about to climb up the ladder. I hadn't planned on it, but up I went. I got to the top, and I was so nervous that I couldn't stand on top of it, so I sat on top of it... for about 10-15 minutes. I felt scared, I felt nauseous, I felt out of control. And I didn't like it. I finally managed to push myself off the top with my legs (after one of my co-workers, Jake, managed to talk me down). I was suspended in mid-air, and then lowered down, shaking tremendously all the while. When I got back down to the ground, I was surrounded by my new friends. Jake started unhooking me from the rope, and they were all telling me how proud they were of me. I looked at them all, and then I started crying. I cried for a good half-an-hour, and the next day, I refused to do the activity that we trained on because I was still shaken up and still wasn't in my completely right mind.
Now, why did this affect me the way that it did? It took me a few days to figure this out myself actually. This is why I responded this way:
This reaction is a reaction that I have had before. I set off a reaction to something by doing something physical. However, this was the first time that something purely physical set off this reaction. What else had set off this reaction? Being kicked out of churches. Being betrayed by my best friends. Moving to a new place where I don't know anyone. Having my heart broken in two different ways less than six months apart from each other. Whenever my world had been turned upside down and I feel like I'm spinning out of control. That is what normally sets off this reaction. This time, something physical set it off. But now I know why. To me, those things that have happened are just like jumping off of a telephone pole. I have a control issue. I don't like it when things start to go wrong and I can't control what's going on. I can't stand it, and yet every time, I've had to leap off and trust that God will catch me and take care of the rest. Through all of those trials, I've grown stronger in the Lord, so I know that they happened for a specific reason. After I leave Doe River, who knows what lies ahead for me this next year at Bryan. I don't know what will happen, but God will be there.
Two steps beyond the edge
I can't undo this leap of faith, takes my breath away
So high above the ground
You've got me hanging in mid air between here and there
Now all I have is you
I'm not afraid, I know I'm safe
It's a chance, but my choice is made
I'm not alone, You won't let go
And I know through it all, you hold me in the freefall
If I just believe my eyes
I'd see I should be terrified but I'm so alive
I don't know how or when
But I believe that You'll come through
Lord, I'm trusting You
Can't wait to see what You will do
I'm not afraid, I know I'm safe
It's a chance but my choice is made
I'm not alone, You won't let go
And I know through it all, You hold me in the freefall
You've got me falling from the sky with no parachute
Thinking I can fly but I know it's You
Got me up here, no fear, no tears
Mind's clear 'cause I know You're here
Can't wait to see what You will do
I'm not afraid, I know I'm safe
It's a chance, but my choice is made
I'm not alone, You won't let go
And I know through it all, You hold me in the freefall
(Freefall by Royal Tailor)
Another this that we had during staff training was a spiritual retreat weekend. They took away our cell phones, our alarm clocks, our watches, any electronics that we could potentially have to distract us or tell time. They woke us over the intercoms in the mornings and used the intercoms to tell us where to be. The first night and following morning, we had to be silent. No talking what-so-ever. And it was awesome to be able to jsut be silent and listen to God and His creation around us. Around that time, I head been reading a book called, "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." It is one of the best books I've ever read. During that weekend, I was able to lay down some things, and this includes a mindset that I've had for a long time. That I'm not pretty. I grew up believing that because a "friend" would constantly tell me that. I've become self-conscious about it. if only I was skinnier. If only my hair would look like I want it to. If only I was physically active and healthy. If only... I was beautiful. I had my moments where I did feel beautiful. I had constant reminders from parents, siblings, and friends. But soon I'd believe the lie again. Throughout the spiritual retreat, I came to a realization that this way of thinking degrades God. Why? Because it is saying that what God made isn't good enough. I have been complaining to God, saying, "God, you didn't make me right. You messed up." And that's ridiculous. If I heard anyone say that out loud, I would think that they were insane. But that's what my attitude about myself says. So, in that weekend, I gave up this thought. Will I still struggle with it? Yes. But at least I can consciously stop myself now from thinking it. Here is what I wrote that weekend:
"Beauty. What makes a person beautiful? What makes a woman beautiful? When we are little, almost anything makes us feel pretty. A five-year-old wearing a new dress will walk around with the biggest smile on her face, showing everyone her new dress. Why? She knows that she is a beautiful little girl and wants to share it with the world. But what happens when we start growing up? Friends tell us that what we are wearing isn't pretty anymore. We get acne and think it makes us ugly. Culture tells us that we have to look a certain way in order to be considered 'beautiful': how we dress, how we look, how much we weigh, everything outwardly they can think of. Other girls start getting noticed by guys and not us. The world looks at us, and if we don't meet its standards, it spits in our face and tells us that we'll never be liked, never have a guy, never be beautiful. And as girls, we are hurt by that. God made us to want to be beautiful, because God Himself is beautiful. The world tells us that beauty is on the outside, but in reality, beauty really starts on the inside. There are plenty of 'beautiful' people that if you look deep down, in their hears, they are rotten and ugly. Because of sin. They glorify their outward beauty, when their inside needs a makeover. But we can't fix it on our own. Only God can wash us clean and show us our inner beauty. Outer beauty is nothing when we are not beautiful on the inside as well. And when God makes us beautiful on the inside, we become even more beautiful on the outside, and that's what really matters. Just like my earthly Daddy tells me that I'm beautiful, whenever I run to my Heavenly Daddy when the world tries to put me down, He will tell me, "My daughter, you are beautiful." Those words alone bring me so much joy and happiness, but the world tries to take that away form me. And it will try to take it away from anyone who finds their true beauty in the Lord. It's a difficult thing to be told all around you that you are not beautiful, but it is a blatant lie. You don't have to believe it because your Heavenly Daddy thinks otherwise. The thing I most long to hear from the Lord is, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." But while on earth, the thing I most love to hear my Heavenly Daddy say is, "My daughter, you are beautiful."
This has always been head knowledge to me, but now, it is heart knowledge.
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
Two weeks passed, and then what we had been training for finally came. Camp started.
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!! :O
The first two weeks of camp had some stressful times. Drama with adults, drama with kids, a lot of stress and crying. But I loved those two groups. They were a learning experience for sure. The next two weeks were practically stress free. Add DayQuest on Saturdays on top of that (riding horses and putting life jackets on people) and you have four very busy weeks of camp. But they were awesome. And I learned something from it. I've seen some kids with hurtful pasts, and sometimes, words just won't help much. BUT, actions can help, and as a counselor, I have to stand up and show these kids the love of Christ, not only by my words, but also by my actions.
Mr. Good Intentions, too much I wanna do
My mouth just keeps a-running, but I never follow through
I heard that true religion is love with hands and feet
I wanna find my own way to reach a world in need
Yeah, I've been captured by the unimportant
Locked in, and now it's time to break free
There's more to life, open my eyes
Someone is needing You, so I gotta make a move
What good are words when this world hurts
Real faith will come through when I make a move
We don't need permission to go outside of these doors
And dream some crazy dream no one else had dreamed before
To show love and compassion where we me be
To put faith into action, do more than just believe
We are hope to those who have been broken
We were made to make a difference, made to make a difference
There's more to life, open my eyes
Someone is needing You, so I gotta make a move
What good are words when this world hurts
Real faith will come through when I make a move
I've been captured by the unimportant
Locked in, and now it's time to break free, now it's time to break free
There's more to life, open my eyes
Someone is needing You, so I gotta make a move
What good are words when this world hurts
Real faith will come through when I make a move
(Make a Move by Royal Tailor)
Four weeks of camp came and went, and before I knew it, it was time for me to leave to go on my vacation. And what, you may ask, did I do on my vacation? Well, I went to another camp! :D The best camp that I have ever been to.
Super Summer.
Super Summer always changes my life in a new way. I always learn something about myself and/or it is a very healing time for me. I realized two main things that week about myself.
#1 - I seclude myself from people accidentally on purpose. What do I mean by that? I am afraid of betrayal, and because of this, I have a hard time wanting to get too close to people. Yet I am a very trusting person. So what do I do? I don't do things with my co-workers like events or hanging with them at the lake. I seclude myself. I make an excuse to not go somewhere, or I sit over by myself at the lake. And it wasn't until Super Summer and seeing myself do this same thing with the other Khaki Krew that I realized what was happening. This, I told my fellow Khaki Krew and had them pray for me, and I hope soon that I can tell some of my friends here at DRG so they can help me too.
#2 - I miss close male companionship. Not like a boyfriend (cause I've never had one), but true close guy friends. I had a taste of that again at Super summer, and realized that I was missing it for some reason at DRG. One reason, seclusion. But I'm not sure of the other reasons. But for some reason, I don't feel it here, and I miss it. I miss these goofy guys with me in the picture. My amazing Bryan guy friends like Josh, Adam, Luke, Sean, and Tim. I miss them a lot, and really want people like them here with me.
Super Summer was such a God-filled week for me. The teaching was great. The music was phenomenal. Getting to serve in the Khaki Krew was so much fun, and I got to hang out some with my youth group, one that I hadn't seen in six months, the others I hadn't seen in a month and a half. Super Summer is one of those things that I can't stand leaving. However, I normally am surrounded by family and friends that have been there and understand my sadness, and I can cry to them and they completely know why because they know what I've experienced. This time around, I leave the next day to come back to DRG, where no one knows about Super Summer except what I've told them, and I have to go back to my routine. Hearing the same sermons, eating the same food, doing the same high adventure activities week after week after week.
And that is hard.
I have so much sadness and longing to be back to that place where everything is okay, where I feel God the most, where I have a loving Christian family made up of my brothers and sisters in Christ who are sharing in the experience with me, where they have the best music, and where I'm learning new things everyday about my God and about me. I always feel like this, but my family and youth group do to, so we stand together and help each other through it, and right now, they do have each other. But I feel completely...alone.
The feeling of being alone is one of the worst feelings ever. I'm not with my family, my youth group, my college friends, my other school friends, and not even really my co-workers, because they are busy with their kids and so am I. I am always watching after my kids. Now, don't get my wrong, I love my girls, and my guys groups. But when I am either alone during free time at night or when I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, I feel that deep sense of being alone.
Even though it's hard, I do know that I'm not alone. In the midst of feeling lonely, I have my Heavenly Daddy. I can just run into His arms and He will be my comfort so that I won't feel alone anymore.
You are good, You are good, when there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love, on display for all to see
You are light, You are light, when the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true, even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, in You, death has lost its sting
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world, forever reign
You are more, You are more, than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here, in your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
(Forever Reign by Hillsong United)
Well guys, that about wraps up my summer update for you all. I'm sorry that it was sooooooooooo long, but I just kept writing and writing and writing and couldn't stop, which was great because every time I've tried to write a blog to update you guys, I never get anywhere...which is why I wrote this whole thing out in a notebook first. :D Well, I'll update you guys again at the end of the summer. Sayonara! ^_^
So, the school year is very quickly coming to a close. I only have less than a week left, and then I'll be home for a little while, before I head off to Doe River for the summer. A year will be over, the summer will come and go, and then we will make new beginnings as the freshman arrive in the fall and we greet them and bring them under our wing and guide them in the right direction......or the wrong direction....or in some weird direction....either way, we will guide them. :P
I'll admit it, at the beginning of the week, I was ready for this year to just be over. I pulled an all-nighter Tuesday night, leading to going 30 hours without sleep, and the two times I tried to take a nap, I was awoken to get into the hallway cause of tornado warnings. I had three finals already, and I have a paper to write for Monday, as well as three normal exams and then a voice and piano exam. I thought I was going to die.
But.......
Now that it's the weekend and I only have a few more days left here until August, I don't want to leave. The main reason: I'm going to miss my friends. I know that at the end of last semester I talked about friends, but I'm gonna talk about them again...so get over it. :P Plus, I won't be talking about friends in my next End of the Semester post, so I'm gonna get most of it out now. :D
First up is Mark. I would put a picture up...but I sadly do not have any pics of me and him...so sadly, there will be no picture, but it is okay. Mark is a special guy. Because of some things, he hasn't been here this semester. It was really sad, but he stayed close by, which was a relief. :) I am his Voice of Reason (he should be worried about that :P lolz). He's always happy to see me, which makes me happy. I'm gonna miss that a lot this summer.
Kayla. I must say, I love this girl. So much. She's been gone this semester. Yeah, it was sad. She went to Italy Abroad, but I'm happy that she got to go cause of the experience of going to Italy. :) I've really missed her a lot this semester.....but it's all good now...cause she's been back almost a week!!! :D It's hard not to smile at her crazy antics and cheerful mood. :D I've already missed this girl a whole lot, and I'm gonna miss her even more this summer, especially since I am being separated from her again after just getting her back. >_<
Ah, my big brother. :D Tim!! ^_^ I love my big brother so much!!! ^_^ He was one of the first people I ever met here. I haven't gotten to see a whole lot of him lately. :( But still, he is my epic big brother. I am going to miss him a whole lot...him, the llamas, and the random cheesy jokes that I still find hilarious. :D What am I ever gonna do this summer without my wise big brother?!?! I don't know....I guess I'll have to make do until the fall.
Ah, Sarah. What can I possibly say about this amazing young woman of God? She is not only talented music, but also in art and writing. I'm telling you, this girl is super talented. For realz. She is totes talented. I can go to her room, plan to be there for only 10-15 minutes, and end up being there for 2-3 hours. I have so much fun being with this one. :D I am going to miss her sweet personality this summer, and getting to hear her talk about her story, as well as talk about mine with her. She makes me feel like I can actually write decently. :)
Wow. Sean. So many words. I haven't met very many guys who would willingly watch "Pride and Prejudice" or break out into Disney songs like "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Hercules. He was an awesome Spring Banquet date, and he was one of my first guy friends here. I met him within the first week of school, and we've been friends pretty much ever since. He is also in Testify, which makes him awesome. This is one guy that I'm definitely going to miss this summer...even if he (along with other guys) have a fascination of poking me because of my reaction. :P
I couldn't find separate pictures of Yolonda and Casey, so I'll talk about them both here. :D Casey (right) is such a sweet girl. :D She has been such a great friend to me this year, even though we haven't gotten to hang out as much as I would've liked to. We've sat by each other in Music Theory all year, and I'm really going to miss that next year. I admire her, for she is a math ed major. Math....yeah, not my thing. But I think it's awesome that she loves math. :D Yolonda (left) is a character. In an awesome way. :D She can be one of the cutest things ever, but I wouldn't want her on my bad side, which is why it's a good thing that she's my friend. :D Honestly though, I love this girl so much. I can trust her with a lot of stuff. :D We relate in a lot of areas. I'm really gonna miss her this summer. I wish she was going to work at Doe River with me. :P
Katherine. This girl is...just....there are no words to describe this fabulous woman. :D Just seeing her brightens my day. ^_^ She is probably going to be a super senior with me in the future, which will be a great thing so I'm not so lonely when everyone else graduates. She is probably one of the smartest girls that I know, by far. Her intellect astounds me. She is the sanity in my life, the one that helps keep me together when I'm up late doing homework and about to die. I am eternally grateful to her. :) I don't know how I'm going to keep my sanity this summer without her.
Brenna! :D Oh, the insanity that comes with knowing this wonderful woman! :D She can come up with some of the best responses to the question, "How are you?" Most of them begin with, "I feel like..." The rest can be any random assortment of things. You never know what she's going to say. This girl is amazing, and not only am I going to miss her sweet voice yelling, "Katie Scarlett!" from down the hallway, during the summer, but I'm going to miss her for the next year, cause she's going to Mexico next semester, and then Nashville the next semester. Skype is definitely going to be my friend this next year so I can keep up with this one.
Ah, Elisa. One of my roomies. :) She is a sweetheart. I have really enjoyed rooming with her this semester. She has such a love of literature, and she helps keep me on the right track when I don't feel like doing school work....or when I don't want to wake up in the mornings. :P I'm totes gonna miss her this summer.
Wow. What to say about the best big sister in the whole world?! Desirae. This woman is awesome! Plus, she's been my other roommate this semester. It's hard to believe that we won't be roommates next year....but that's okay! I know that her door will still be open to me down here on Huston Base. ^_^ She has really been a big sister to me. I've gone to her on multiple occasions for sisterly advice on different issues. It's going to be really hard for me this summer to not have Desi around. (Plus, I only have a year left with her cause she'll be a senior next year.) >_<
Ah, yes. Two more awesome people. :D Let's start with Rachel. She is one of my newest friends here at Bryan, cause she is a transfer here this semester. The beginning of our friendship is important to me, because I found the courage to talk to her, even though I didn't know who she was. I don't often do that. She has been my practicum buddy this semester, and she's one of the few friends that I've got to have one-on-one time with. She pretty awesome, just saying. I'm really gonna miss this one greatly this summer. And then, there is Adam. :D For those who don't know Adam, they are truly missing out. He is a really fun guy to be around, and he is so stinking talented! He can sing, his piano playing is absolutely amazing, and he is a gifted song writer. I am so jealous of this man sometimes because of how many songs he has written, not to mention how stinking amazing he is at the piano. Also, he's really caring, and knows how to make people smile, even when they don't want to. I'm gonna miss him a ton this summer.
The epic roommate duo! Grace and Wendy. Let's begin with Grace. This girl rocks. She is another one of those that is so intelligent. She is a great debator, and knows what she's talking about. She has read so many books, it's ridiculous. The speed that she can read is phenominal! I only with I could read at the rate she does (cause then I wouldn't be so far behind on the books I want to read :P). I am really gonna miss her this summer. Then, there's Wendy. :D My future roommate!!! :D Yes, that's right, we're gonna be roommates next year on Huston Third! :D I am so excited to be rooming with such an amazing woman. She is such a talented artist, singer, pianist, and now song writer! :D I can't help but be happy when I am around her. :D We have so much of the same interests, and I know that next semester is going to be awesome with her as my roommate! ^_^ Three months is far too long a time to be separated from her. >_<
Luke. My other brother. This guy one of a kind. I think everyone should have a Luke, but sadly for the rest of the world, there is only one of him, and we have him. :D His witty comments, deep insight, and overall goofiness are things that make him who he is. There are many time where he will say something profound, and others something completely ridiculous that makes everyone laugh. I first met Luke back at Presidential weekend...his first impression of me: sad emo-looking girl who won't say much. My first impression of him: I don't have one, cause I sadly don't remember much. >_< I was going through a very tough time that week, and I was sick on top of that, so I don't remember much of the banquet dinner thing they had for us. Even still, I am so glad that I have gotten to know him this year, and I'm really gonna miss having my brother around this summer. :(
Then, there's this one. Josh. He is another one that I don't think there are words to accurately describe this man. But I guess I can try. :P I have considered Josh as my closest guy friends here at Bryan. He can be completely insane at times, but he really is very smart. He is an excellent writer. Even when he is writing about pure randomness, he makes it sound good. He is one of those people that it is hard to be happy when he isn't. Not that he intentionally does this. It's just hard to see him not smiling and laughing. He brings a lot of life to our friend group. He's also a really fun person to just talk to. I haven't really gotten to do this much, but the few times that it's just been me and him talking and hanging out, I've enjoyed it. :) Josh is a gentleman. Even though he made kid around with us and mess with us, he is respectful of us as well. He knows when it's okay to be ridiculous and when it's not. He really is a deep person. I've seen this just from reading his blogs. He strives to do what is right and follow God. He isn't afraid to admit his faults. Josh is...well, he's Josh. :) He is a man that I believe has a grand purpose in God's plans, though what that could be is beyond me, and that his future will be blessed. This summer is going to be hard without him around. :(
Last, but most certainly not least, is Lauren. What in the world could I possibly say about this amazing, beautiful woman who I call one of my best friends? Well, frankly, there is a lot. :P I will start by saying I love this girl...so...much! She is totally my sister. I have had so many deep conversations with her, and they have all been so awesome. Lauren is a really deep thinker. She knows what she believes and isn't afraid to say it either, and I really admire that about her. If she disagrees with someone, she doesn't just argue. She intelligently talks through it. Which I am thankful for. I think a lot of people could learn a lesson from that. :P She loves 80s rock. My love for her increases due to this. I do disappoint her a lot though because there is a lot of music that I haven't heard that is apparently imperative to listen to, and I get her condescending look from her. I feel so ashamed when she looks at me like that. She has a thing for Hugh Jackman, which is really inteesting, and she loves Wonder Woman and all things retro like the Super Friends and Shera. She has such a sense of style. I'm serious when I say that I will send my children to her for shopping trips. She is so cheery and bubbly, and it is sad when she is in a bad mood, and that's no fun. Kind of like when Josh is in a bad mood. Her being sad brings me down, cause I hate to see her sad. We have so many inside jokes, it is ridiculous, but that's okay, cause that brings us closer. :D I'm the one person from here that has been to her home, in the lovely state of Maryland, and it was a blast! She also loves Domo, which is just plain awesome. Have I made my point clear? I LOVE LAUREN KALMAN! ^_^ This summer is going to be difficult without her around. :(
So, with all of this said, why write about my friends? Because I'm truly going to miss them all this summer. I am going to be away from what is not only a group of friends, but what I know consider my family. And I will be separated from this new family for a little over three months. And this is a hard thing to accept. With my normal family, it hasn't been too bad being away because I know that if I miss them, I can always go home for a weekend, but with this family, most of them live so far away, and I'll be working at a camp this summer, so I won't be able to even see the ones that I could've potentially seen this summer.
I just don't know what I'm going to do without them...
~Guys, I love you all so much, and I'm really going to miss you this summer. You have made my first year here at Bryan one that I will never forget. We have all gone through ups and down together, and though times can be tough, we stuck it out til the end. You guys have changed my lives, and definitely for the better. I don't know if I've made that big of an impact on any of you guys, but know that you have all made a great impact on me. And even if you go through the whole summer and don't even have a thought about school or friends or me, just know that I will be thinking and praying for you guys every day this summer, anxiously awaiting for the day where we all come back next year and are reunited. Yes, I know that I am going to have a fun summer, and not a lot of time to think deeply on much, but I know that you guys will be on my mind any spare moment I have this summer. I pray that you all have fabulous summers, and that it is a time of relaxation and recharging for the next semester to come. Love you guys, and enjoy your summer break!~
(I love this song. Friendship, I love it so.)
Well, I think I'm finally done with this post. Sorry that it's so long, but I didn't think that this one should be split up. I'll post again soon, overlooking the semester and seeing what was different than the first one. God bless you all, and have a great week!
Hello all. It's been a while, hasn't it? :P I was reading a friend of mine's blog, and he thinks he writes too much...well, I don't think I write often enough actually. So, here I am, taking some time out of my very hectic day today to write to you all. Don't you feel loved? Yes, I thought so. :)
To start off, I have an update. I got the job at Doe River Gorge!! :D So I will be working there from May 12th til August 7th (with a week break to go to Super Summer with my youth group). It's going to be quite an experience. I know I'm going to learn a lot, not only about God but hopefully about myself as well. The downside: it will be difficult to keep up with my college friends over the summer other than through texting and the occasional greeting on facebook (I'll get to check email and facebook every once in a while through the computers they have in the staff lounge).
So, why is my day, and even week, so hectic? Well, I have a lot of stuff to get done this week (and a little of next week). I have an Old Testament Lit project to finish for tomorrow, Moodle reading and posting for OT Lit, Music Theory homework to do for Friday, a speech critique to do for Intro To Comm, a paper to write for Intro To Comm, three lesson plans to write tonight for tomorrow, a Methods for Teaching Secondary School Music final tomorrow to study for tonight, Ear Training homework for Thursday as well as a final for that as well on Thursday, Intro To Teaching final on Thursday to study for, practicum to finish, lines to memorize for a scene that I really need to have memorized by tonight, and songs to finish memorizing for my voice lessons on Thursday. This is all for this week. Next week, I have my voice final, keyboard proficiency final, the performance for the scene I'm in, OT Lit final, Music Theory/Sight-singing final, and Intro To Comm final. By the end of it all, I'm going to be a mess.
Yeah, I'll be something like this. :P lolz I will be sooooooo ready for this semester to be over.
Next semester will be fun :P Here's what my classes are looking like:
New Testament Literature and Interpretation - 8:00-8:50 MWF
U.S. History - 9:00-9:50 MWF
Instrumental Conducting - 11:00-11:50 MW
Beginning Stage Movement - 12:00-12:50
Keyboard Proficiency III - 2:00-2:50 F
Bryan Chorale - 3:00-3:50 MWF
Safety Education and First Aid - 8:00-9:15 TuTh
Music History III - 9:30-10:20 TuTh
Politics, Philosophy and Economics - 12:00-1:15 TuTh
Women's Chorus - 3:00-4:15 TuTh
Voice Lesson (once a week)
......Yeah, all this. 19 credits next semester. Fun stuff.
So, let's see. I've talked about how extremely busy I'll be the next week, and what my semester will look like in the Fall.......
I'm really going to miss my friends over the summer. This will be the longest break I've had to endure away from my college family, and it's really going to be tough.....I might talk about that later.....I think that's it for right now anyway. I'll try to write this weekend and let you guys know how insane I've become from this week. Farewell all.
I am not a big outdoors person. I like sitting outside and either reading or hanging out with friends when it's warm, but I don't do much other than that. When I decided to go to Doe River Gorge for the Discover Weekend this past weekend because a friend asked me to go with her, I knew that I would have to get over it and participate in outdoor activities. On top of that, it was cold......yeah. (Side note: Can't Spring stop rebelling and stay warm?) So, I plucked up my courage and went. saturday morning when we had quite time, we rode on a train to get to a trail. Naturally, we walked up the trail. It being uphill, I soon was already aching and breathing heavily, me being out of shape and all. :P When we arrived at our destination, I quickly sat on a rock. But when I looked out, the view was stunning.
Lord of all creation, of water earth and sky The heavens are your tabernacle, glory to the Lord on high God of wonders beyond our galaxy, you are holy, holy The universe declares your majesty, you are holy, holy Lord of heaven and earth
All around me were mountains, beautiful mountains with gorgeous trees. Down below in the gorge was the Doe River. The rushing river was beautiful, and whenever the sun came out from behind the dense clouds, it glistened. Just being still and listening to the sound of the river was simply relaxing. Seeing how magnificent the view was on this cold and overcast day made me want to see it when it was warm and sunny. I just looked out and stared at the view for a while before opening my Bible.
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea Creation revealing your majesty From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring Every creature unique in the song that it sings
I opened my Bible in the Psalms, trying to find something. The first thing I came across was Psalm 19:1-4. It says,
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the earth."
:O After what I had just seen and then reading this, I thought, "How awesome my God truly is."
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imaged the sun and gives source to its light
Or conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
NONE CAN FATHOM
Then, I turned a few pages and found Psalm 46:1-3
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
I have been having a hard time in school, trying to stay calm and not get stressed out, and reading that God is our refuge and strength is so comforting. Then, Psalm 47:1-9
"Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.
How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth!
He subdued nations under us, peoples under our feet.
He chose our inheritance for us, the pride of Jacob, whom he loved.
God has ascended amid shouts of joy, the Lord amid the sounding of trumpets.
Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises.
For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise.
God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne.
The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the god of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted."
This reminded me how we should always be praising God, even in times of stress and worry. Finally, Psalm 86:1-13
"Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."
I was reminded that I can call on the Lord in my times of need. I forget these things sometimes (like others), and sometimes I need a reminder of this.
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing, God
All powerful, untamable
Awestruck, we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God
...THAT was just quiet time. I learned other things too over the course of the day. I will be working my way backwards through the activities that we did. (Mainly because I learned the most from the first one.)
- - - - -The last activity we did was shooting. (I found out that I have pretty good aim, by the way. :D) Through this activity, we learned that we need to have good aim, and to aim for Jesus. Sometimes, we do get off, but we keep going back to Him.
- - - - -The one before that was fun. Being hooked to a harness, climbing on a net, walking across a bridge called "The Way", and then repelling down on a rope. "The Way" is over the Doe River, which was a beautiful view. The cool thing is the symbolism of "The Way". This bridge is made up of wooden boards, one after one, making the bridge narrow. Narrow is the way that leads to salvation. Pretty cool, right?
- - - - -The one before that, I actually didn't do, but I learned from it none-the-less from watching the others. The Leap of Faith. You are harnessed to a bungee cord from behind, climb up a really tall pole, and jump off the top and try to reach a bar that's in front of you. This can symbolize life. The bungee cord is God. He will hold us up and keep us from falling, just like the bungee cord. All we have to do is just leap and let God handle the rest, even though we can't see Him.
- - - - -The first one: "Tree Climbing". Harnessed to a rope in a tree, you pull yourself up with your legs to a standing position on a smaller rope, push the one rope up, and ascent. It actually didn't look that hard. Boy was I wrong! I couldn't pull myself up for the life of me. >_< And, you know, sometimes I think we do this with Christianity. We hide things and make it seem easy on the outside, but people come expecting Christianity to be easy and then fall away when things get hard. So, while I was desperately trying to pull myself up, I was only able to get up when some of the guys were helping me and trying to give me pointers. (I still didn't make it very high.) And this is how it is with God (except the me not getting very high part.) When we find ourselves at our lowest low and can't pull ourselves up out of it, we have to rely on God to help us, to give us a boost and push us so we can get back on our feet.
The whole weekend not only reminded me that I can cling to Him when I need Him, but I haev also been reminded of the awesome power of my Lord and Savior. After thinking and praying, I really do feel a pull towards Doe River Gorge, and I hope that I can get involved in it this summer. It will be a big time commitment, but I feel like God wants me to at least apply and see what happens. I can't wait to see what the Lord will show me through this place.
Hello all. It's Monday, I've skipped two classes today because I've had a splitting headache (for my parents who might read this, it's okay, I have a free skip for both of them, don't worry), and the looming school work ahead scares me to death.
Hehe. This is funny. :D
So, since getting back from Spring Break, I've already had time to sit and think on things that really get me down....which probably isn't a good thing, but sometimes you just can't help it, right? Over the past week, I've had three friends that have been going through some stuff. Two of them, I've pretty much known what was going on, and one I have no clue really. Being who I am, I worry about those people, probably way more than I need to in most cases. :P
The one that I'm not sure what's going on, it's really hard for me. I'm one that when a friend is going through something, I want to do something to help them, but since I don't know what's going on, I'm not sure what to do. I know that the person asks for prayers, and I pray for this person a lot, but sometimes, prayer just doesn't feel like it's enough. For me, I just wish that I knew what was going on so I could be more specific in helping, trying to encourage this person. But then I stop and think about myself...how many times do I go through something and not tell a single person in most cases? Or I just ask for prayer? And how many of my friends end up feeling the same way that I feel...that they want to do more to help? And then I think some more, and I wonder if sometimes that's what it's like for God? I know that He does know what's going on in our lives, but He does want us to come to Him and tell Him our problems, and He wants to do something about it.
I know that when I'm going through things, a lot of times I'm silent but hope that someone will catch on. Or I try to tell someone but it seems like they don't really care...
Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arms
For you to see me, I need release
Do I have to scream for you to hear me? Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
'Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me. Do I need to scream?
My other two friends, I know pretty much what is going on....and I still feel helpless as to how I can help them. Yes, I pray for them, but again, I feel like I should do so much more....but I can't.
And all this, it upsets me. I know that I shouldn't let myself be upset by this. And I don't want my friends to know that I worry and get upset when I can't do anything to help them, because I want them to be able to come to me with their problems, to feel that they can talk to me about things. I don't want them to think that they are burdening me, because in all honesty, they don't. To tell the truth, I burden myself. I just can't seem to be content to just pray for my friends, and just wait for them to give me a hint about what else I can do for them....and why is this? Why do I want to be able to do so much more for my friends?
I think it's because I would want my friends to do that for me.
If I'm going through something, and I actually gather up the courage to tell someone about it, I don't want the only thing I hear from that person to be, "I'm sorry. I'll be praying for you." That's nice, yes, but sometimes, I need more than that. I need more. And it doesn't have to be much. It could be just to let me cry on their shoulder, and hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. Even that can be a wonderful thing. I want to be that person for people because I want someone to be that person for me. And why is it that I want this so badly?
It's because so many times in the past, this has been me.
I haven't consistently had a person to go to that will try to comfort me when I'm really upset and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I know that God is the only comfort that I need, but we're all human, and sometimes, I believe that human comfort is a good thing. I guess this could show how much I still have to work on in my relationship with Christ. I still have a lot to learn when it comes to leaning on Him and going to Him with my troubles, just crying to Him and letting Him hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, to not solely rely on my friends, because they won't always come through for me, and to stop holding everything in until I burst.
.............................................
To try to end this on a positive note, my Spring Break was totally epic!! :D Maybe in a few days, I might go into greater detail on this, but for now, I think I'll end this post with some song lyrics. I've had this song stuck in my head since yesterday, and it's such a beautiful song that I bought it on iTunes today so I can listen to it over and over. :) God Bless!!
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only son to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom
My name is Katherine Grace, but most people just call me Katie. :D One of my dear friends has a blog too, and she has inspired me to start one. I just want to be able to share my thoughts and my adventures of this life with others. ^_^
